My grandmother died just about a year ago. This Memorial Day, the town of Farmingdale, where she lived most of her life, dedicated a bench in her honor. She was an amazing woman and I hope to have a fraction of the impact that she had on others.
The argument of this video is seriously that if we were to legalize gay marriage then five-year-old children will be confused. I don’t think I’m blowing anyone’s mind here, but five-year-old children have confusing beliefs about a lot of things. You know, if we change the definition of the tooth fairy, then our children will not think that a magical being breaks into your house and gives you a dollar in exchange for something that’s been in your mouth for years. And no one is rushing to change that definition even though it’s confusing.
When I was five years old, my Cabbage Patch Kid Anthony Wayne was kidnapped (this is a true story for another day) and at that point in my life I wanted to be an inventor when I grew up so I decided to invent a machine that finds Anthony Wayne. I did this by taking a light bulb, breaking it and exposing the filament. I had absolutely no reason for believing that this wouldn’t work. That’s because I was five and I had no idea how light bulbs, machines of any sort and Cabbage Patch Kids worked.
Also, may I suggest trying to explain to these rapscallions how traditional heterosexual intercourse works and see if that doesn’t blow their minds just a little bit more than gay marriage. (When I first learned about sex, I thought that a surefire way to do it without making babies if you didn’t want to, would be for the girl to take off her clothes while the boy still wore his clothes. Then, they would roll around. Then the girl would put her clothes back on and the boy would take off his clothes and then they would roll around. This is what I thought sex was. I was five.)
I’m going to track down this dog, look it in the eye and punch it square in the face for being so ungodly, amazingly cute. Thanks to CollegeHumor for yet again making me want to harm adorable tiny baby animals
